Pages

Friday, 20 October 2006

The Secret Report on The War of Lizards and Flies

A long time ago, flies were an independent group of beings, and were not yet under the jurisdiction of the Shit King.

Flies were rather obnoxious and rather impudent. They irritated almost everybody and they liked doing that. The king of the flies was contemplating setting up his own domain of irritation. He thought he could collect all the irritation caused by his subjects and sit around feeling good about a newfound power. There were several reasons why this did not come about.
Firstly, the king of flies did not know what to do with the irritation he wanted to collect, other than to use it to cause more irritation, of which he could not think of what to do with.
Irritation was closely related to every other domain, as it is a by-product of most other functions, and nobody knows what to do with the mounting irritation.
Thirdly, nobody really cared enough about the king of flies, or flies. Other than being irritated, some beings treated them as banal beings; some beings treated them as other than banal beings.

The only bunch of beings that were truthfully irritated enough to want to do something about flies were the lizards. It must be something about their nature to be so irritated with flies that is not in our nature to fully empathize.

So, the lizards took it upon themselves to eat the flies, and to manage their population. In retaliation, the flies multiply themselves and try to irritate the lizards by the sheer size of their undeterred population. This drove the lizards nuts and they dove into extreme depths of delirium and despair, and went out of control of themselves.

Now, this becomes a problem, as you know, lizards are envoys of the panic kingdom, and being crazy, they don’t make very good envoys. The panic level of people and beings, and paranoia and anxiety and everything went astray and unchecked. The unwise beings that were unaffected and knew about the situation laughed at the lizards. Other beings that were unaffected and knew about the situation were concerned about the possible repercussions.

Finally, words reached the Panic King to persuade him to do something about the situation. Initially, the Panic King was as usually unmoved, but as the Panic Queen was more swayed by the situation and everything, she urged the Panic King to do something about it. Somebody told me that this is congruent with the nature of origin of the Panic Queen to be swayed to do something. Somebody else remarked that all is well for otherwise the Panic King would not have done anything much, for the Panic King is pretty much only persuaded by his Queen.

After much contemplation, the Panic King met up with his good friend, the Shit King, and urged the Shit King to take the flies into his command. The Shit King obliged because he was good friends with the Panic King, and was one of the beings who were unaffected but concerned anyway.

So, the Shit King met up with the King of Flies who was flattered by the attention and agreed to being the subjects of the Shit Kingdom. In accordance, flies fly around shit to feed on it and help its breaking down, and also help to spread food poisoning so there will be more shit around.

The Panic King and Queen met up with the King of Lizards and the lizards, and the Queen waved the magic panic wand about and ordered the lizards to get a grip. The Queen announced that now the Shit King had took the flies under his command and the flies were now somewhat allies, not mere advocators of irritation. It is rumored that the Panic Queen briefly smiled at the origination and the resolution of this elaborate situation, and the Panic King smiled at her.

The Kings decided that the lizards were to be somewhat placed in higher order of the flies to keep the flies afraid and thus, away from irritating the lizards. This is why lizards still get to eat the flies that threaten to irritate them.

Also to commemorate this event, the lizards were made to shit everywhere so as to remind them of the close relationship they have with the Shit Kingdom and how silly they were, and that they must consistently resist their nature to be so irritated with the flies.

No comments: