The Scream Monster Report

Name: Scream Monster, The. A.k.a. Scream Queen, The. A.k.a."Aahhhhh!" (As in, the screaming itself.)
Sex: Female.
Age: Very, very old.
Place of origin: Some say Lake Vostok. Others doubt.
Physical Attributes: Petite, invisible to most eyes, beautiful.
Other Attributes: Solitary, secretive, neither kind nor unkind but capable of both.
Basic description: The Scream Monster farms screams commercially. She sows the different scream seeds into you, nurtures their growth, harvests them, and then sells them off. The Scream Monster has a lot of partners who are involved with the production process and different partners are involved with different screams. The partners are compensated with different amount of screams proportionate to how much their screams are worth. It is a very profitable business. She is a very important lady as screams are very important materials or ingredients for very important things. She is therefore more commonly referred to as the Scream Queen. Apparently, screams also make great snacks sometimes.
Common types of screams:
Each type of screams are classified into about 5 different grades, ranging from the best which comprises of the truest screams, to the poorest, which comprises of the falsest screams. The best screams are most valuable; the poorest are not so valuable. Presented below are brief introduction of 4 major screams.
1) The dream screams (DS): Rare, involves unspeakable partners who partake in the process with unspeakable grace. In their purest form, dream screams are very powerful and can repel both goodness and evil. The secret beings are known to wear them as a pendant of sort to protect themselves, for example, on uncertain journeys. Only powerful beings can withstand the force of the dream screams though. It is said that the Scream Queen herself wears a necklace and a cloak made of dream screams.
2) The fear screams (FS): Common, and important. The fear screams are jointly produced with the Panic Kingdom. The truest and most powerful fear screams used to come from the Panic King himself, but now, those are rare as he usually lets his Queen tend to most of the production. The other members from the Panic Kingdom take part in the production themselves, producing fear screams of different grades and quantity. The lower grade fear screams are common ingredients in secret food.
3) The delight screams (DeS): Less common than FS, more delicious. The delight screams are jointly produced with the elusive Joylets. It is well known that the lower grades of delight screams are suckled upon by beings of all origins like our lollipop. The best delight screams are extremely and profoundly powerful and valuable, although it seems that few know of its proper use. Delight screams are usually cultivated in children, although adult delight screams are known to be more powerful.
4) The boredom screams (BS): Somewhat common and important raw material in the secret world. They are jointly produced with the Bore Monster. The boredom screams are touted to be tough, and flexible, they make great clothing, and are most associated with invisibility cloaks.
In case of screaming:
1) If you feel a scream coming, scream as naturally as possible.
2) Pretend you don't know about the secrets of screams, scream and forget.
In case of meeting the Scream Monster:
1) Pretend you don’t know about the Scream Monster.
2) Scream if you have to, then pretend to be puzzled.
3) Run away.
4) I can’t exactly tell you how, but DO NOT OFFEND HER.
But don’t worry too much as the chances of meeting her are quite slim.


Pssst FAQ:
1) If we’re supposed to pretend that we don’t know anything, why publish the secret report at all?
A) It’s one of those matrix (the movies) things, you know, getting closest to the truth as possible, for the sake of it.