Theodore and Beater

Once upon a time, in a village, there were two woodcutters who were good friends.

One of them was known by his nickname, Theodore, which did not refer to Roosevelt, who was not yet born, but was short form for "Three Doors Down", which was his nickname in full. People, who did not know better, would think that that it referred to how Theodore could cut his axe through three wooden doors at one go, and since once upon that time, wooden doors were very thick and strong things, and to be able to cut through three wooden doors, they thought that he was a very strong man.

The truth was, however, that Theodore loved drinking very much. And once, he had a bit too much to drink, and he threw up. His vomit splashed across three doors of three houses.

This would not normally be remarkable, by Theodore's personal records (which was 6 doors down), however, it happened in the middle of the day, and he took down the three doors in a unbroken single gush of puke. Imagine, his mouth as a nozzle and esophagus, like a hose, and together, sprayed vomit in a continuous stream over three doors of three house, in the middle of the day.

Friends and passerbys who saw the remarkable feat happened, thus dubbed that the "Three Doors Down incident" and gave him the nickname which eventually became better known as Theodore.

One of the friends there, was the other woodcutter, whose nickname was "Beater", which the same people, who did not know better, thought that he was such a mucho woodcutter, such that he defeats the woods, thus, "beating them". The truth was, however, more... candid.

Unfortunately for him, he was not quite drunk enough that day, and he instinctively feigned a well-rehearsed apologetic expression, which invited assumptions that he was going to be responsible for everything. Since there was no point in questioning the passed out puker or the other friends who had laughed heartily, and passed out on the ground, or pretended to, the housewives who were the only people at home at the time, came out of the houses, and all gravitated towards Beater, and one of them asked him,

"So, how much are you going to pay us for the doors?"

"Wah, you are so direct and frank!" replied Beater, "Whatever happened to the art of conversation? We are in once upon a time you know. We shouldn't be so forthcoming when we speak. Come, let's beat around the bush a bit."

And with that, he delivered a spectacular demonstration of "beating around the bush" until it was dinner time when all the housewives had to go home to prepare for dinner, and he got out of the mess. Thus, they gave him the nickname "Beater Around the Bush" which eventually became better known as Beater.

As word spread, and the people who did not know better perpetuated their misunderstandings about where their nicknames came from, Theodore's and Beater's businesses thrived, and they could afford to retire rich and retire young, and they drank all the time in the day and the night and tried to always remember to run away after vomitting on people's doors, if not, to pass out together.

They also generously and unreservedly treated their good friend, who wrote this story, to many, many drinks and happy things, and everybody lived happily ever after.

(For Yisheng and Terence.)