Fido got home drunk one night, and because he was too honest with his latest girlfriend about the size of his dick, he proclaimed it to be too big for her, she broke up with him immediately.
He was thrown out of her apartment and woke up a few hours later amidst his litter of clothes shrewd across the stairway and in a puke-stained tee-shirt. He didn't remember puking nor what he must have said, but he roughly pieced together that they must have broken up.
That was when he realised that he didn't want to be with her any more anyway because she needed too much work and that made him feel bad about himself. He reminded himself that he had only been interested in her big boobs from the start. In recent years, that's all that interested him in women, anyway. Big boobs.
He had always liked the sound of “big boobs” – the words – because they sounded like what they represented.
Never mind if she had a fuck ugly face, if she had big boobs, he'd want her. Actually, it's better if she had a fuck ugly face, because then, she won't demand so much work. This one was too pretty. That's the problem. Then again, at least with her, he didn't have to imagine that he was fucking someone with a pillow for a head. It was not bad. But ah well, the drama of getting back together was not worth the make up sex. He'd just have to work even harder.
He changed his shirt with the one he liked the most and congratulated himself for being able to just leave the rest of them there. Over the years, he'd gained the foresight to always just bring only some things along with him. Things he could bear to part with. To ask for them back if they should break up would be cheap.
There were a few tee-shirts and shorts and mostly underwear that were either too tight and uncomfortable and new – that she bought from the departmental store without being asked to – that he hated, and a few that were too old and un-fittingly too loose because of frequent re-washing and might have little negligible holes.
Luckily, it was a Saturday, and he didn't have go to work. Luckily, he was sensible enough to always only drink so much on nights he didn't have to work the next day.
As he was walking home, he remembered and regretted having brought a new game console over to this one, but by the time he reached home he decided that he'd buy a new one and let her have it as a consolation prize. She was a pretty girl, after all.
His parents were surprised to see him but they didn't really care. They were on their way out to the community centre for their karaoke class. He didn't explain anything before he plopped on the well-made bed and slept.
When he woke up again, it was in the evening, he ate something and went to check on his tarsiers.
Monday, 29 September 2008
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
USED II: MINDER - An introduction
The governance of the hologramic postcards and several less important things relied with the ill-reputed Ministry of Deference (MINDER) which was so poorly regarded that it did not have a central office at all. MINDER was set up to govern matters of diplomacy and foreign affairs when it was highly problematic for the country.
Earlier, USED's economy built itself on mostly the high export sales arising from the weaponry and biomedical industries. According to the economical demands, formal education system supported the engineering fields and placed their emphases on technical training. Specialist trainings in most of other fields, such as in the arts, economics, and business administration, were widely attained as secondary or supplementary qualifications. As a result, USED people are very good in many, many things, but they neglected the general field of literature, which was not popular for studies and treated with disdain. There was little need for robustness in language as most communications were done with precision and brevity. Equations were deemed the best form of communications. Words were disliked, except in the established field of linguistic application to artificial intelligence. No credit was given to the flairs and nuances of language. Tact in communication was never practiced nor considered by the people of USED. USED people would seldom take to heart when hearing harsh words, as they themselves would thoughtlessly deliver them if needed be as well.
People of other countries, on the other hand, were not emphatic to the way of USED, and were obligated by their pledged loyalty to take offences at USED's tactless public statements and matters of foreign relations. Moreover, other countries were exasperated with their debt owing to USED and being intimidated with USED's firearm and flying combatant robots, which, by MINDETEA policy, were not yet available for export sales. In their frustration, the other countries' government would pick verbal fights with USED to win the favours of their own people. MINDER was set up to handle these situations and to manage international relations.
The people at MINDER, however, were not good at doing what they needed to do. Matters of deference required tact and finesse and half truths. MINDER was a ministry that is required by its primary nature to employ only native citizens to avoid conflicts of interests. Being products of the USED culture, they generally sucked at saying the right things at the right time. Albeit impressing the foreign diplomats with wonderous-laser-show-virtual-11D-presentations, the most accurate and specific words language were applied, and thus, blunt interpretations of the intentions were seldom avoided. MINDER often worsened situations.
Overtime, as USED's weaponry advantage grows bigger, it was clear that no actual fighting would actually take place against USED. This gradually reduced MINDER to a superficial outfit representing attempts at improving other countries' impressions of USED.
As the mission of MINDER was not valued by the people of USED, the organisation was sleepy and not motivated. It received low priority in receiving direction and hardly any budget to do hardly anything. As mentioned, MINDER did not have a central office, and it was not clear how big the organisation really was.
Earlier, USED's economy built itself on mostly the high export sales arising from the weaponry and biomedical industries. According to the economical demands, formal education system supported the engineering fields and placed their emphases on technical training. Specialist trainings in most of other fields, such as in the arts, economics, and business administration, were widely attained as secondary or supplementary qualifications. As a result, USED people are very good in many, many things, but they neglected the general field of literature, which was not popular for studies and treated with disdain. There was little need for robustness in language as most communications were done with precision and brevity. Equations were deemed the best form of communications. Words were disliked, except in the established field of linguistic application to artificial intelligence. No credit was given to the flairs and nuances of language. Tact in communication was never practiced nor considered by the people of USED. USED people would seldom take to heart when hearing harsh words, as they themselves would thoughtlessly deliver them if needed be as well.
People of other countries, on the other hand, were not emphatic to the way of USED, and were obligated by their pledged loyalty to take offences at USED's tactless public statements and matters of foreign relations. Moreover, other countries were exasperated with their debt owing to USED and being intimidated with USED's firearm and flying combatant robots, which, by MINDETEA policy, were not yet available for export sales. In their frustration, the other countries' government would pick verbal fights with USED to win the favours of their own people. MINDER was set up to handle these situations and to manage international relations.
The people at MINDER, however, were not good at doing what they needed to do. Matters of deference required tact and finesse and half truths. MINDER was a ministry that is required by its primary nature to employ only native citizens to avoid conflicts of interests. Being products of the USED culture, they generally sucked at saying the right things at the right time. Albeit impressing the foreign diplomats with wonderous-laser-show-virtual-11D-presentations, the most accurate and specific words language were applied, and thus, blunt interpretations of the intentions were seldom avoided. MINDER often worsened situations.
Overtime, as USED's weaponry advantage grows bigger, it was clear that no actual fighting would actually take place against USED. This gradually reduced MINDER to a superficial outfit representing attempts at improving other countries' impressions of USED.
As the mission of MINDER was not valued by the people of USED, the organisation was sleepy and not motivated. It received low priority in receiving direction and hardly any budget to do hardly anything. As mentioned, MINDER did not have a central office, and it was not clear how big the organisation really was.
Monday, 22 September 2008
The 3 USED skyscrapers
It was at a time when there was a small country of engineers in where it was known and forgotten as East Asia. This small country was the Uniformed State of Engineers and Dependents (USED) and was only one city, with the same name.
All USED citizens were either engineers by training or worked in a supporting role to the engineering industry. Citizenships of the children of citizens were automatically conferred when they attain certified competencies in engineering. Many accomplished engineers from other countries were eager to apply for the citizenship which was not difficult to earn – it required the applicant to have made a significant contribution to the engineering field. Children who did not have the requisite flair for engineering would be offered a contractual citizenship that was renewable so long as they continued to work in supporting roles in engineering-related industries. They were known as the Dependents. Most of them would leave the country as they felt socially ostracised.
In the small country city of USED, the building of magnificent mega-structures flourished. The people were very proud of their country, particularly of several famous technological achievements, amongst which, there were three noteworthy skyscrapers which housed three noteworthy ministries. Most of the talented young engineers aspired to work in one of these ministries.
One skyscraper, that balanced on a one metre long toothpick, and that was able to lean up to thirty degrees in every possible direction in the horizontal axis, just because it was possible, housed the Ministry of Possible Technological Advances(MINPOTEA). This ministry governed the theories and hypotheses, both the proven and disproved, that might give rise to new technological breakthroughs.
The other skyscraper, that actually scraped bits of the sky, housed the Ministry of Achieved Technological Advances(MINATEA). This ministry governed the tangible products of engineering. The bits of the sky were usually transferred to MINPOTEA for distribution for research and development purposes.
The third skyscraper, that did not look particularly impressive outwardly, and that was built on a mountain with mazes of secret chambers and labs in the mountain itself, housed the Ministry of Defensive Technological Advances (MINDETEA). This skyscraper, together with the adjoining secret chambers and labs, could transform into a combatant robot. It was rumoured that the skyscraper transformed into more than one combatant robot, but it was not true. There was only one. It could fly. Its primary purpose was to defend important findings and engineers and to transport them to safety in times of strife.
These skyscrapers were featured prominently in tourist memorabilia, for example, their pictures were found on hologramic postcards, of which that of MINDETEA was easily the most popular as its transformation was featured in at least 8D animation. The country was eager to show off prowess in technological weaponry to deter others from picking fights with USED.
All USED citizens were either engineers by training or worked in a supporting role to the engineering industry. Citizenships of the children of citizens were automatically conferred when they attain certified competencies in engineering. Many accomplished engineers from other countries were eager to apply for the citizenship which was not difficult to earn – it required the applicant to have made a significant contribution to the engineering field. Children who did not have the requisite flair for engineering would be offered a contractual citizenship that was renewable so long as they continued to work in supporting roles in engineering-related industries. They were known as the Dependents. Most of them would leave the country as they felt socially ostracised.
In the small country city of USED, the building of magnificent mega-structures flourished. The people were very proud of their country, particularly of several famous technological achievements, amongst which, there were three noteworthy skyscrapers which housed three noteworthy ministries. Most of the talented young engineers aspired to work in one of these ministries.
One skyscraper, that balanced on a one metre long toothpick, and that was able to lean up to thirty degrees in every possible direction in the horizontal axis, just because it was possible, housed the Ministry of Possible Technological Advances(MINPOTEA). This ministry governed the theories and hypotheses, both the proven and disproved, that might give rise to new technological breakthroughs.
The other skyscraper, that actually scraped bits of the sky, housed the Ministry of Achieved Technological Advances(MINATEA). This ministry governed the tangible products of engineering. The bits of the sky were usually transferred to MINPOTEA for distribution for research and development purposes.
The third skyscraper, that did not look particularly impressive outwardly, and that was built on a mountain with mazes of secret chambers and labs in the mountain itself, housed the Ministry of Defensive Technological Advances (MINDETEA). This skyscraper, together with the adjoining secret chambers and labs, could transform into a combatant robot. It was rumoured that the skyscraper transformed into more than one combatant robot, but it was not true. There was only one. It could fly. Its primary purpose was to defend important findings and engineers and to transport them to safety in times of strife.
These skyscrapers were featured prominently in tourist memorabilia, for example, their pictures were found on hologramic postcards, of which that of MINDETEA was easily the most popular as its transformation was featured in at least 8D animation. The country was eager to show off prowess in technological weaponry to deter others from picking fights with USED.
Monday, 8 September 2008
Environmentalism
They are the sounds of destruction – the sounds that arise from the construction of infrastructure that bring about industrialisation or modernisation. Construction entail destruction. They are the sounds of destruction.
They are not pleasant – the screeching of diamond blades cutting through stones, the rumblings of the excavators that dig up the stones from the mountains, the stacking and welding of I-beams one on top of another... They are in reaction or opposition to the changing of things that are not meant to be changed in an instant. The rocks are used to being weathered over time and not cut into precise dimensions in an instant. Iron ores are used to being embedded intricately into earth and not intricately piled upon each other above or into earth. That is why they scream and cry. They are sounds of the minerals and matters that are forced upon each other. The coarse cough of the engines powering the bulldozers is the sound of resistance against compelled destruction.
Technology is a natural progression and part of the environment. There are debates about modernisation and technology being the enemy of the great natural environment. They are futile. The roads, the deforestation, the overgrazed fields, the air pollution and the magnificent internet are all extensions of what was meant to be. Over population, income disparity, morals, and the moral drought are all the continuation of natural progression. Modernisation will never cease as it never had. Everything is part of the natural world.
The sounds of events that are not yet imagined need not be invented by the natural environment. They are only waiting to be discovered. They will be more pleasant or unpleasant than when the minerals and matters scream and cry. There is no right or wrong. They will be accustomed to. It is like how the sounds of wolves' howls, of the hacking of flesh, and of babies' cries were accustomed to.
They are not pleasant – the screeching of diamond blades cutting through stones, the rumblings of the excavators that dig up the stones from the mountains, the stacking and welding of I-beams one on top of another... They are in reaction or opposition to the changing of things that are not meant to be changed in an instant. The rocks are used to being weathered over time and not cut into precise dimensions in an instant. Iron ores are used to being embedded intricately into earth and not intricately piled upon each other above or into earth. That is why they scream and cry. They are sounds of the minerals and matters that are forced upon each other. The coarse cough of the engines powering the bulldozers is the sound of resistance against compelled destruction.
*
Technology is a natural progression and part of the environment. There are debates about modernisation and technology being the enemy of the great natural environment. They are futile. The roads, the deforestation, the overgrazed fields, the air pollution and the magnificent internet are all extensions of what was meant to be. Over population, income disparity, morals, and the moral drought are all the continuation of natural progression. Modernisation will never cease as it never had. Everything is part of the natural world.
The sounds of events that are not yet imagined need not be invented by the natural environment. They are only waiting to be discovered. They will be more pleasant or unpleasant than when the minerals and matters scream and cry. There is no right or wrong. They will be accustomed to. It is like how the sounds of wolves' howls, of the hacking of flesh, and of babies' cries were accustomed to.
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
The Dragonflyboy
Sometime ago, there was a dragonfly who turned into a boy because he was so curious about human beings. It didn't, of course, take just simple basic, primitive curiosity to turn any dragonfly into a human being. It took sophisticated, exciting, intoxicating curiosity. It was the type of curiosity that would cost, even if one didn't realise the connection at first, loose bowels and lost sleep. Yes, it was the type of curiosity that would infuse with the atom of life and that would turn a dragonfly into a little boy.
Upon waking up one day to realise that he had turned into a boy and after being shocked and feeling all the stereotypical responses that one could reasonably expect of a dragonfly who turned into a boy to feel, the boy hid in some secluded place of a park to familiarise himself with human ways.
He was naked and looked terribly different from the human beings he observed from afar. They wore clothes and were colourful like flowers and butterflies, which incidentally, he had been unable to catch as his fingers and hands were now too large and slow.
At night, he would rummage through the garbage bins to eat leftovers of what he saw people threw away. He liked the taste of most of what he ate. He liked using his tongue.
Naturally, the garbage food was sometimes contaminated with things that should not be consumed by little boys, and he would suffer from the occasional food poisoning that brought about bouts of diarrhoea. Actually, even on good days, there was a lot shit.
Of all things human, he was most disgusted at how he had now required to defecate and by how disgusting did the human beings shit! So much of it came out of his behind. As a dragonfly and until now, he had never noticed how humans shat as they did it in the hypocritical privacy of the toilet.
“I have so much shit, I'm like a dog.”
He wondered if he was a human or a human-dog hybrid.
The little boy not sure when would it be appropriate for him to go into the open to befriend other human beings. They spoke, but he couldn't. They wore clothes, but he didn't. He shat in parks, but they never seem to shit at all. He was ashamed of his bowel habits, and that inhibited him the most. The little boy had a hard life living in the park. Soon, his hesitations wore his cognitive abilities away, and he forgot what he had wanted out of life.
He was discovered by a nature lover who was hiking around the secluded areas. The police was called upon, and there was an organised search that captured the boy. It was featured in the newspaper as people were always curious when wild boys appear, and they would want to know if they swung on ficus roots, much to the thanks of Kipling. Since he did not, they concluded that he was abandoned by some pregnant teen or something common-sensical, never mind that there were no ficus trees in the park.
He was sent to the orphanage and the administration decided with a stroke of innovation that the day of his discovery was to be registered as his birthday. The year of birth was unknown. So they arbitrarily decided that he was five years old. They also arbitrarily decided to call him Albert. There was no other persons or pets called Albert in the orphanage at that point in time and it prevented unnecessary confusion.
Upon being better fed and nursed back to his natural strengths, the boy regained his original curiosity and learnt everything with eagerness and zest. He was bright and fast and did pretty well in school, and even came to read a comic book version of the story of Tarzan, as recommended by his teacher. (“My, my, Albert, are you saying you are like Tarzan? Ho ho ho!”) After which he decided not to tell anybody about how he came about as it would only hinder his development.
He grew up, worked part time, had pimples, and crushes, and friends that came and went. He worked hard and got into the humdrum of everyday life and celebrated Christmas and the Chinese New Year. Soon, he almost forgot that he was ever a dragonfly and his purpose, until he went to a park and saw a middle aged man walking a dog which passed shit onto the ground, and with little hesitation, the man picked up the shit with an inverted plastic bag.
Right, thought the boy, man is unwilling to shit in public, and has all that funky jazz about toilets and flushing after use, but is more than willing to pick up dog shit with much self-righteous pride.
As he watched the man toss the packet of dog shit into the garbage, he thought of the time, when he was a little boy living off garbage scraps, in a way that he had not thought in a long time. If there was another little boy living in the park right now, he would be so poor thing to find dog shit to eat. Then again, when he was primitive, he wouldn't think that eating shit was such a bad thing. Why did he find it so repulsive now?
His curiosity was rekindled, and he decided to go study a degree in psychology, hoping that the promised realms of pseudo-science and controlled experiments would shed some light on all the “myshitery”.
Upon the completion of his freshman year, he made a vacation trip to the seaside. He had never seen the sea before and he rewarded himself with a much deserved a break for earning the money and his place in the university. He wanted to do his honours thesis on the social psychology of shit.
As he was swimming, he thought of how the fish and all marine creatures shat into the sea and the irony that he was swimming in the biggest shit dump of all. Then, an ancient giant fish louse caught him and ate him up, and thus, ending the life of the boy who was obsessed with shit and who was once a very curious dragonfly.
Weeks later, the same newspaper picked up on his disappearance and featured a heart warming report on how the boy who had quite mysteriously appeared had mysteriously disappeared.
Upon waking up one day to realise that he had turned into a boy and after being shocked and feeling all the stereotypical responses that one could reasonably expect of a dragonfly who turned into a boy to feel, the boy hid in some secluded place of a park to familiarise himself with human ways.
He was naked and looked terribly different from the human beings he observed from afar. They wore clothes and were colourful like flowers and butterflies, which incidentally, he had been unable to catch as his fingers and hands were now too large and slow.
At night, he would rummage through the garbage bins to eat leftovers of what he saw people threw away. He liked the taste of most of what he ate. He liked using his tongue.
Naturally, the garbage food was sometimes contaminated with things that should not be consumed by little boys, and he would suffer from the occasional food poisoning that brought about bouts of diarrhoea. Actually, even on good days, there was a lot shit.
Of all things human, he was most disgusted at how he had now required to defecate and by how disgusting did the human beings shit! So much of it came out of his behind. As a dragonfly and until now, he had never noticed how humans shat as they did it in the hypocritical privacy of the toilet.
“I have so much shit, I'm like a dog.”
He wondered if he was a human or a human-dog hybrid.
The little boy not sure when would it be appropriate for him to go into the open to befriend other human beings. They spoke, but he couldn't. They wore clothes, but he didn't. He shat in parks, but they never seem to shit at all. He was ashamed of his bowel habits, and that inhibited him the most. The little boy had a hard life living in the park. Soon, his hesitations wore his cognitive abilities away, and he forgot what he had wanted out of life.
*
He was discovered by a nature lover who was hiking around the secluded areas. The police was called upon, and there was an organised search that captured the boy. It was featured in the newspaper as people were always curious when wild boys appear, and they would want to know if they swung on ficus roots, much to the thanks of Kipling. Since he did not, they concluded that he was abandoned by some pregnant teen or something common-sensical, never mind that there were no ficus trees in the park.
He was sent to the orphanage and the administration decided with a stroke of innovation that the day of his discovery was to be registered as his birthday. The year of birth was unknown. So they arbitrarily decided that he was five years old. They also arbitrarily decided to call him Albert. There was no other persons or pets called Albert in the orphanage at that point in time and it prevented unnecessary confusion.
Upon being better fed and nursed back to his natural strengths, the boy regained his original curiosity and learnt everything with eagerness and zest. He was bright and fast and did pretty well in school, and even came to read a comic book version of the story of Tarzan, as recommended by his teacher. (“My, my, Albert, are you saying you are like Tarzan? Ho ho ho!”) After which he decided not to tell anybody about how he came about as it would only hinder his development.
He grew up, worked part time, had pimples, and crushes, and friends that came and went. He worked hard and got into the humdrum of everyday life and celebrated Christmas and the Chinese New Year. Soon, he almost forgot that he was ever a dragonfly and his purpose, until he went to a park and saw a middle aged man walking a dog which passed shit onto the ground, and with little hesitation, the man picked up the shit with an inverted plastic bag.
Right, thought the boy, man is unwilling to shit in public, and has all that funky jazz about toilets and flushing after use, but is more than willing to pick up dog shit with much self-righteous pride.
As he watched the man toss the packet of dog shit into the garbage, he thought of the time, when he was a little boy living off garbage scraps, in a way that he had not thought in a long time. If there was another little boy living in the park right now, he would be so poor thing to find dog shit to eat. Then again, when he was primitive, he wouldn't think that eating shit was such a bad thing. Why did he find it so repulsive now?
His curiosity was rekindled, and he decided to go study a degree in psychology, hoping that the promised realms of pseudo-science and controlled experiments would shed some light on all the “myshitery”.
Upon the completion of his freshman year, he made a vacation trip to the seaside. He had never seen the sea before and he rewarded himself with a much deserved a break for earning the money and his place in the university. He wanted to do his honours thesis on the social psychology of shit.
As he was swimming, he thought of how the fish and all marine creatures shat into the sea and the irony that he was swimming in the biggest shit dump of all. Then, an ancient giant fish louse caught him and ate him up, and thus, ending the life of the boy who was obsessed with shit and who was once a very curious dragonfly.
Weeks later, the same newspaper picked up on his disappearance and featured a heart warming report on how the boy who had quite mysteriously appeared had mysteriously disappeared.
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